I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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