Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
