How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
