so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
home. puking in laundry basket.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
