I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
