did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
