I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
