with your own penis?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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