I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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