i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
