bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
not ubering you a puppy
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
