my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
