1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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