i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
