the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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