Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
