sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
