the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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