so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
