she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was confusing and full of hummus
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
