You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
