she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
