Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
