oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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