wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
