don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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