Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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