They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The best revenge is premature balding
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize