i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Actions speak louder than pants.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
