That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
