explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
