I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
