Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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