Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
