i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
