So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
