I think my vagina is haunted
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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