I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
