I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
