Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
