Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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