Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
