He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
