I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
