I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
