i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize