she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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