the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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