i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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