i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize