Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
