He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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