I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
