i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
