so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she told me i tasted like america
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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