he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
you are never too drunk for berry picking
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you never un-have a 4some
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
