I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
