yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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