My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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