i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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