I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
