hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
