On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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