Cold hands, warm shart.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
