how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
