the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Holy sore nipples Batman
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
