so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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