Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
