I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
