Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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