oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
