I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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