i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
