I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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