I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
