We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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