I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
