Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
