I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just googled if crying burns calories
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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