Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
